It was a long and exhausting week. I am glad it is Friday and I feel a little bit like the weight has come off my shoulders. My mother has been in a psychiatric hospital for three weeks and she was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. During the last years it became even clearer than before that she needs help and unfortunately it took her so long to realise that herself. She is now waiting for an intensive outpatient treatment and although BPD can never be cured I am hoping she will be able to handle it better. I don’t know anything about it myself and I am hoping to be able to do some research over the weekend.
I just felt very down the whole week. Tired, unable to sleep because of the heat and in general very unhappy with my life for no reasons. I should be very happy yet I am worrying about things that aren’t important. At the moment I really feel that I am happy three weeks of the month and one week I am feeling down, depressed and tired. I am usually a very energetic and active person but this week I didn’t manage to go out much. I am not content with myself, I am eating rubbish food, I don’t exercise and I don’t like what I see in the mirror. I put on so much weight and I am trying to lose weight. My skin is bad, my face is swollen up and even larger than usual, my eye brows aren’t plucked and slowly converting to a uni brow, my legs aren’t shaved but I really couldn’t care less. I feel bending over in the shower is too much work at the moment. I am not drinking enough and I feel grumpy. My friend Svenja would come and try to cheer me up without success. Luckily George behaved perfectly and played a lot with his friends, giving me some space and the opportunity to refuel my batteries. It is Friday today and I am able to sleep long tomorrow.
I hope everybody has a great weekend.