Personal Tuesday

Another week, another Tuesday. I can’t believe how quickly time is flying by and yes, I know, I write that every single week.

At the weekend I went to Blogfest and it was great to meet fellow bloggers, however, I was a bit disappointed as many of them were mummy bloggers and not many were blogging about other topics than parenting. I realise that it was to expect when I attend a Blogfest hosted by Mumsnet, but as it wasn’t aimed at mummy bloggers as such I thought more lifestyle bloggers would attend. Anyway, I still learned a lot from the master classes and the keynote sessions were great. It’s a sad thing that apparently only Mumsnet and Britmums host events, but having spoken to a friend of mine, I know that Britmums Live is not only for parents, mothers in particular, but for any kind of bloggers, so I will go to Britmums Live next year. Luckily it is before I fly to Las Vegas, so I can attend Britmums Live on the 19th and 20th of June and fly out to Las Vegas on the 21st of June. Well, even though I booked my flights I am not 100% sure if I can actually go.

I am still trying to keep myself as busy as possible. It is easy during the week, when I am looking after the boys, they really keep me busy at the moment and I am running around the house the whole day. It’s more in the evenings and the weekends that I get reminded of the fact, that I am pretty much alone at the moment. My best friend meant the world to me and not having her in my life makes me sad every day. We were very close, we knew everything about each other. We didn’t have secrets, I knew what was going on in her life and she knew what was going on in my life. Even though she lives in Cologne and I was here in London, we would write on Facebook, Whatsapp or talk for hours on Facetime everyday. Now she is gone, it’s hard to fill that gap. I invest so much into a friendship and even more into the friendship with her. I don’t have many friends, but the ones I have mean the world to me and they know that. I was always 100% honest to her, even though she might not always wanted to hear what I was thinking. That was what made our friendship so strong and special. Well, at least I thought it was strong. Apparently it really wasn’t mutual.

I know I had to let her go and still it’s hard. I still have pictures in my bedroom of the two of us having the time of our live in Las Vegas, Cannes and where ever else we went together. I don’t want to take them down, but maybe I should. Maybe it is easier when I just completely erase her from my life, even though I will never be able to erase my memories with her. It was crumbling for a while now and I have her chances again and again, but at the end it just wasn’t good for me anymore. She wasn’t there for me when I needed her the most and it really hurt me. I should be strong, but I actually texted her last week. She is a professional poker player and after years of not doing well, she is finally getting better and made the final table at an important event in St. Maarten. I send it on Whatsapp but she blocked me. I was so desperate, I send another text message, but we both have iPhones so it was very easy to find out that she had blocked me there as well. I really wanted to tell her how proud I am of her, despite everything that happened.

Right now, it is very hard for me to motivate myself. I am not in the mood for blogging, but it’s the one thing that distracts me right now. I don’t feel like going out or meeting new people, but I really should. Tomorrow I am invited to Vashi Dominguez’s Annual Diamond Party and I am looking forward to going. I will tell you all about it soon.

1 Comment

  1. November 16, 2014 / 3:57 pm

    Hang in there. Meeting new people does suck a lot because you obviously prefer the people you already are friends with. But if a 'friend' has hurt you then you need to drop them, because you're worth more than to be treated badly.

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