Until tonight, I was happy and optimistic about the future. Since mid July I have been full of energy, looking forward to tomorrow and I finally forgot a little bit about my depression. Even though, I wasn’t really looking to meet somebody at the moment after all of last year, I started talking to a guy I have many friends in common with. Really quickly, we realised that we like each other and even though we were both not looking for a partner at that time, we both liked the idea of having someone else in our lives. In general, I don’t like to talk about relationships, but to explain the situation this is necessary here but I try to keep it short.
Last weekend I went to Barcelona to spend two days with him and everything was perfect. From the hotel room to the tasting menu at the two star Michelin restaurant, it felt like we have known each other for ages. Everything was great, until today when he told me that he can’t see it going any further. Seriously? After all we talked about, this really was a huge shock for me and not something I expected. However, he is an incredible self conscious guy who hasn’t been in a relationship since he was at university and that was a while ago. He is also not the typical ladies guy and he told me that he can’t believe that somebody likes him so much as I do. Anyway, he is coming to stay with me on Thursday until Saturday and I think we will sit down to talk. A conversation on Whatsapp is always different to speaking face to face. We knew from the beginning, that it would always be a ‘long’ distance relationship, as he lives between Vienna and Hamburg but travels around 250 days a year worldwide for his work. I am fine with that, but I knew that he would always have an issue with it. I think talking to him on Thursday will be important, he is somebody I don’t want to lose and if we only become good friends.
I really can’t fall into that deep hole again and this time I am actively trying to avoid this. My flatmate goes to the local Fitness First Platinum club and I think it will be a nice treat to join as well. Even if I will only use the swimming pool and the sauna, at least I am doing something that is good for me and cheers me up a little bit. There have many great classes too, and this might be a time to work on my core. I trained with a personal trainer at a private gym studio and she said it’s important to focus more on my core strength. She is not the first person to tell me this, so there must be some truth to it.
I am also focusing a lot on my diet again and I am actually picking up a juicer this week. I don’t want to go through a long detox or similar, but I think it is good to replace a few meals a week with a green juice. A close friend of my boss also has diabetes and she really inspired me to give juicing a go. I really want to be happy and enjoy life again.